Saturday, April 21, 2007

Funny?

Just the other day I saw the most voluptious babe around wearing a really nice tee with a message on it... Trust me, I am a sucker for words. If I see something written somewhere, I want to read it. I need to know what is it. Even if it is an instruction on shampoo bottle or the handle on an aircraft door...
btw... Just the other day, I was trying to figure out why they had a huge red arrow saying "Turn this way" and I was attacked and pinned down by a dozen people because they thought I was planning to depressurize the plane... kinda didnt make sense... because I was on the right plane, not part of any 'organization' and... the plane WAS SITTING ON THE TARMAC!
Anyways... I read... not act upon it... How many of you have read the instructions on the shampoo bottle saying "Apply and leave on for few minutes" and then stood in the shower like a clown counting minutes? Even if that message on the tee had read, "Squeeze me", I wouldn't have done that... Its like reading it and then looking for something more to read. Anyways... the message said, "The eyes are up there"
I felt cheated... it was irritating entrapment... I am sure I wouldn't have been staring at her assets if they didn't have that stupid message striped across them... I was so outraged that I felt like sueing the wearer of the tee! Doesn't that qualify as solicitation?
Then it got crazier...
I actually worked my gaze off that message as if heeding to it and looked at her eyes... As if adding insult to my indignation, this lady was actually staring at my head...
Ok, I accept... I have a genetic disposition for evolving... To those unfamiliar to this theory, I am talking about bald people. I don't know why it is called a genetic disorder... We are told that man evolved from apes or similar animals... now look at them... all hairy... and then look at us... loss of hair is an evolutionary trait, NOT A GENETIC DISORDER!
We even have a whole industry dedicated to mimic this evolutionary trait...
I am talking about the 'painful' process of hair removal. Whenever I see one of those models or gal with really smooth hands and legs... I hear a silent scream... I believe the ladies got to be downright insane or really desperate to do that. When Mel Gibson jumps around crazy, in 'What Women Want', after pulling that waxing patch off his leg, I was sure he was in pain... The bigger rip-offs are those nice advertisements about epilators... You see that really hot babe running this innocent looking device over her smooth legs... kind of tempting and pretty simple
thing. But then I had a close encounter with one of these gadgets in a minimart.
I was looking at some keychains hung very next to the beauty aisle and the assistant was explaining how to operate this epilator... Out of curiosity, I was no longer browsing for keychains and was descretly observing these belles struggle with gadget.
Finally they managed to turned it and believe me, this is for all the guys who have not seen an epilator in action, it was like turning on a lawnmover. My eyeballs wanted to come out of their sockets and cover my ears. I almost blurted out, "You
gonna run this over your person? You rather go run under a lawnmover" Guys, if you are going out with someone or already married, and you run your hand over her smooth skin, go get her an extra gift... She's gone through that torture you wouldn't even imagine going through yourself... If you disagree, just try pulling out one of your nose-hairs with your fingers and you will know what I mean.
Alright, back to this babe who was 'ogling' at my evolutionary desposition that is starting to really look good.
It is almost strange. I dont know why people find the balding head as interesting as a beautiful babe's assets... and every now and then you have a weirdo who wants to inspect either manually... IS THAT REAL?
No it is not, I just called my barber a loser while he was giving me a haircut. Give me a break!
I was not very irritated with people who stare at my balding pate. They almost stare it like a child seeing a supermarket Santa for the first time. Or like an extraterrestial researcher bumping into an alien. There's this glint in their eyes which almost is like a question, "Can I touch it?" I was still miffed at the stupid tee message and I wanted to retort back. And I broke the golden rule to check for overzealous boyfriend before messing with a babe... So the last thing that I remember saying before I saw something moving fast and which I later learnt was her boyfriend's oversized fist moving towards me, was,
"Hello... I am down here..."

1 comment:

Abhijit said...

Honoured to be the first one to comment!
Nice post dude!
Now I will check out the archives also....