The new batch

The time people take to warm up to me is exceeded only by the it takes me to warm up to them.

I live life on Absolut terms. One part Absolut and three parts water!

I am ready to take life as it comes, but it seems life doesn't want to take me as I come.

You cannot get to the unimaginable technology of the future without imagining it today!

I dont know about your purpose on earth, but I guess mine is just to make up the numbers.

Addiction to substances is best prevented by addiction to the stuff that buys the substances!

Plants remove the nasty CO2 from air. Animals eat plants. Non-vegeterians eat animals. Vegeterians eat plants. Pray tell me who are the better environmentalists?

Whenever a girl says she's looking for character, I hand her a keyboard and leave her to find it herself.

I don't have the answer to every question. Guess God knows I am not Google.

The biggest lie taught by our society is that the good always triumphs. More often than not, it ends up with visitation rights to triumph.

Confession of a Mass Murderer

She looked at me with a steely stare. She knew there was nowhere to run. I had her cornered. Had I not been blinded by my staid resolution to kill her, I’d have probably noticed if it was something different. It could have been a gaze filled with a plea for mercy or a gaze of defiance. Either ways she would have found no mercy and her defiance was of little deterrence to me. As she cowered trying to shield her children, I took aim and fired. Unfortunately for her it was not a quick death. As she lay on her back, gasping for air, her children ran for cover. I didn’t expect much resistance from them. Having never been out in the world on their own, they had been taught only to do one thing in case of danger. And that would be to run to their mother. They had never been taught what to do in case their mother was dead, as she was now. I took my time, methodically, bringing down one after another. Unlike their mother, there was not much struggle for life. They went down quickly. After having killed the last one, I realized I had to cover my tracks. So I dragged each one over to the drain hole and dropped them into it. It took some time but I was done.
I thought I was done with the act, but I remembered that it was necessary to check for inadvertent witnesses to the crime. I looked around. To my horror, I saw my soon to-be wife standing some distance away. It was obvious from her position, that she had been witness to the whole heinous act. I looked at her with a guilty look as a hundred questions rose into a tumultuous blizzard of emotions. Would she accept me after having witnessed what I had just done? Would she feel safe to bear me children after what she had just seen me mercilessly slaughter the innocent infants? If not, would she turn witness against me? Did I need to silence her too?
As I stood mute, overwhelmed by the thoughts, she walked over to me and said, “Thank you honey. You know how much I hate them!” With those words, all my fears were laid to rest. I didn’t have a witness to my act I had an accomplice. And I would never be arraigned for it. As for justice for the family, I don’t think there has been any recorded instance in the history of mankind, that a man has been convicted for killing cockroaches!

P.S. : Fictional...