tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-333515262024-03-06T22:25:33.359-08:00To the quintessential question, the answer is 42What's the answer to life, universe and everything?
It could be 42. Or it could be 'nothing'
Either is a plausible candidate.
So here's the tribute to the insanity called life...
Stuff that has been pulled out of the bag called my mind...
New stuff as it pops up...Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-83526261365992176112014-09-14T09:36:00.000-07:002014-09-14T09:36:03.109-07:00How to be a Smart Flyer?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Early for my 95th hop, I am bored. Security was a breeze and the over-compensation for potential traffic snarls was frankly unnecessary. So looking at the travellers around me got me thinking. Back in September 2006, I had no clue about how to be a smart flyer, a la Clooney from Up in the Air. Obviously, even today, I am nowhere close to his 10,000,000 miles target, but I have a few miles under my belt and an array of experiences to share. Some of these need to be in a manual of air etiquette which every air pax should read even if they are veterans. Needless to say, there are many which my fellow countrymen do need to follow on domestic as well as international travels. This is especially in light of this video about stereotypical Indian flyers (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fOaW6A4j5E" target="_blank">English Captions available, mostly NSFW</a>). </div>
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So here goes:
Your true journey starts the moment you get your ticket purchase confirmation. It ends when you cross the threshold of the airport arrivals building. During this time you will rub shoulders with people from all over the world with a variety of experiences and lifestyles. Most you may never see again. If I cross paths with you, I frankly don't want to remember you. The only reason I will remember you is if you forgot to be a decent human being during those few hours. And as I look back at the myriad of annoying faces from my various travels, I wish you had followed one of the following basic rules and not made yourself a memorable asshole.<br />
<i><b>Your seats</b></i>: Look for your airline record locator and go select your seats on the airline website. Most airlines allow you to do this easily the moment they sell you the ticket. Nothing annoys me more than a family of four wanting to sit next to each other but who haven't bothered to get this sorted out till they board the aircraft. I will NOT give up my seat which was selected 2 months in advance for your lazy arse. In case you are separated, you can obviously spend a few hours apart. I have lived away from my family for 10 years now. 10 hours apart will not kill you. Trust me.<br />
<i><b>Your check-in</b></i>: Buying your tickets and selecting your seats is different from your final check-in. Use the power of Internet. Get this sorted out in advance so that you don't create a long queue at the airport.<br />
<i><b>Your cabin baggage</b></i>: Travel smart. Think of the things you pack as things that you cannot live without for the next few days. Everything else can be purchased at your destination unless you are headed to Mars. If you are going to Mars, you are on the wrong flight already. Also obey the rules for cabin baggage. I will NOT put my backpack under the seat in front of me because you have an oversized cabin bag. That legroom is my reward for packing smart, you on the other hand deserve the innermost circle of hell.<br />
<i><b>Your check-in baggage</b></i>: If you are tiny and frail, do not carry more bags or weight than you can lift yourself. Trolleys at the airport are not supermarket trolleys or things that you use to run over people with. A frequent flyer once let me in on a secret. Get bags with 4 wheels on the base. This way you can push them around instead of endangering yourself and people around you.<br />
<i><b>Your check-in counter</b></i>: Weigh your bags at home and conform to the airline limits. Else you will have to open them to shuffle things around and everyone will get to see your pink bunny underwear (no, I don't judge, even if I did see this in the luggage of a man traveling alone) while you shuffle things around. Also, if you are on a multi-hop flight, ask the person where you have to pick up your bag next. As a general rule, if you clear immigration (after an international flight), but have one or more hops to go, you will have to collect your bags and check them into the domestic leg of your journey. Forget this and you will find your bags lazing around in a city different than the one you end up in.<br />
<i><b>Your clothing</b></i>: You are traveling and not going to a fashion show. You are also going to be inside a tin can and sharing space with lots of flammable fuel. If your fashionable clothes can catch fire, you will regret it in case of an emergency. Also if it takes you 5 minutes to get out of that fancy garb that sets off the metal detector, you are being an ass and holding up the queue.<br />
<i><b>Your security check</b></i>: This one is a no brainer. Instead of ogling the girl in front of you, empty your pockets. As a rule, the moment I get into the line, I put the contents of my pockets into my bag. The laptop is ready to be pulled out. Ask in advance if they want you to takeoff the belt and shoes. Also, the security folks see idiots trying to smuggle liquids through their scanners daily. Save yourself and the people behind you some grief. Put all the liquids into the check-in bag. You may not be a terrorist but you definitely are an asshole if you have a bottle of liquid that holds up the security line. In India, they stamp your cabin bag's tag. Make sure you ask for the tag at the check-in desk. Don't add to the stress of security check by forgetting this. It may seem pointless, but it's their job so don't annoy them by not having it on you.<br />
<i><b>Your words</b></i>: If you are a single brown Asian male, you know better than to use the words like bomb, terrorist and guns in the airport. If you are not one, but happen to be traveling with one, make sure you do not bring these things up for discussion with your fellow brown Asian colleague. A cavity search is not fun and he definitely doesn't want one just because you can't shut your yapper.<br />
<i><b>Your looks</b></i>: Mainly applies if you are not really really white. Yes, racial profiling or whatever you want to call it exists. I used to get secondary security checks almost every time when I had a mustache. Even in freaking Canada (one the other hand, in Canada, it meant I got through the process a lot sooner than my colleagues). Try not to look too tired and shave that facial hair and mustache if you can!<br />
<i><b>Your Gate</b></i>: Most airports show your gate at many locations and provide floor plans of their terminals. Study these in advance and get there on time. Don't keep a plane-load of people waiting because you are trying to score some duty free or you are stupidly lost.<br />
<i><b>Your boarding</b></i>: Look at your boarding pass. It will tell you a zone of boarding. If you are at the gate then don't clog up the boarding queue until and unless your zone is called out. If in doubt, ask in advance before they start boarding. Your standing in the way is not going to ensure you get a better seat. Your crappy seat stays crappy and you deserve it.<br />
<i><b>Your overhead bin</b></i>: If you haven't read the '<i>Your cabin baggage</i>' part, read it again. Seat maps are available online for almost every airline. Know the general location of your seat. Once you get there and you have to put your bag into the bin above, be courteous. Let a few people behind you to go forward. Also, place your bag in such a way to maximize the space for the rest. Don't spread out as if your bag is the king of the overhead bin.<br />
<i><b>Your pre-takeoff</b></i>: The captain will ask all ground personnel to disembark. This is generally the cue for you to stow away your luggage, lock the tray table, pull your seat upright, buckle up (leave this for later if your aircraft is being fuelled) and to stop yapping on your mobile phone. There is a reason why your seat has to be upright. In case of an emergency, the brace position requires you to take support of the seat ahead of you. So a reclined seat may lead to injuries to your fellow passenger. Any loose baggage/laptop/table can become a projectile which can maim or kill people in case of an aborted takeoff. Just on this trip, I saw this smartly dressed woman who would not stow away her massive laptop and couldn't stop yapping on the mobile phone even after push-back from the gate. Lady, you weren't impressing anyone. If you are so important, fly in your own private jet. Else follow the instructions of the stewardess. You deserve all the scorn that the stewardess felt for you.<br />
<i><b>Your seat once on board</b></i>: Read that safety instruction card. It may save your life and also stop your ignorance from costing someone else's life too. Remember the closest emergency exit may be behind you. Memorize that "<i>behind you</i>" bit.<br />
<i><b>Your seat recliner</b></i>: This is the most annoying of all. While the airlines tend to make the seat legroom minimal, you add to the agony of the fellow passengers by reclining the piss out of the recliner. I have flown about 30,000 miles without reclining my seat. I did not die of sudden seat reclining syndrome. You won't either, trust me. It doesn't add much to your comfort and it makes you an asshole if you add to the discomfort of the person behind you. If reclining is imperative to your survival on the flight, be courteous and recline the seat slowly. I have seen a person get a nose bleed after the seat in front of him was whacked into his face. Needless to say, the person in from was an asshole. Don't be that asshole. Also, sit up when the meal service begins. It is one thing to recline your seat when everyone is supposed to be sleeping and an entirely other thing when you keep your seat reclined when everyone is supposed to be eating.<br />
<i><b>Your seat belt</b></i>: Put it on and leave it on. You can always loosen it a bit if you are that fidgety person who can wrap a leather belt around your waist but the airline seat belt seems like a python trying to strangle you. The have been many instances when airplanes have encountered turbulence (remember China Airlines Dynasty 006 to LAX) The passengers wearing seat belts suffered the least injuries. Plus if the aircraft were to experience explosive decompression at 36,000 ft, the seat belt may be the one thing that may save you from a free skydive to earth.<br />
<i><b>Your nails/smelly shit</b></i>: This one is for women. Painting your nails in a closed tin can 36000 ft in the air is a sure shot way to earn the hatred of people around you. You may be into huffing chemicals, I am not. I don't care if you are the Miss Universe. If it were legal and possible, I would really love to defenestrate you. As for people in general, refrain from carrying and opening things that have a very strong smell in the cabin. You may love it, it may as well trigger an asthma attack for someone else. <br />
<i><b>Your stewardess</b></i>: Is not your servant. Be nice to her. Try and be a gentleman or a lady. Get out of the way or offer to help if possible. On a reverse note, stewardesses, please do not stereotype. Not all Indian men are after your bum. There are some sensible ones too.<br />
<i><b>Your landing prep</b></i>: Just before the captain begins the final descent, he or she informs you about the same. This is the time when you turn off your devices, put on the seat belt, get the seat back to upright position and lock up the tray table. You are not a baby in diapers who needs to be told by the cabin crew to do all this again. When the captain says he is starting the final descent, he is not joking that you need to await instructions from the cabin crew.<br />
<i><b>Your gate arrival</b></i>: No one gets off the aircraft until the aircraft reaches the gate and they open the aircraft doors. So unfastening the seat belt before the aircraft stops and trying to grab your luggage makes no difference. You may have spent the last 2-12 hours sitting in the tin can. If you survived that, you can survive another 5 minutes. Be considerate to the passengers who are connecting to another flight especially if your flight arrived late. Even if you were inconsiderate inside the aircraft, be mindful outside. If you are confused or disoriented, step to a side before figuring out things. Don't get in the way if some poor sod running towards his flight. <br />
<i><b>Your moving walkway/escalator</b></i>: This is another no brainer etiquette. If you plan to plant your plum arse and let the machine do the moving, stay to one side. Most airports follow a stand to the right, walk to the left rule. Follow this at all costs. Passengers with children, rein in those rug rats. If your prince or princess is in my way, I am going to judge you as a shitty parent.<br />
<i><b>Your baggage claim</b></i>: This is a standard problem with people with families and especially common with passengers in Indian airports. You are not the only ones trying to claim your baggage. If you are a party of more than one, just put one of your representative close to the conveyer belt. Also,your trolley needs to be at least 5 feet from the belt. That space is for people not your Highness's trolley. If you have kids, remind yourself that the belt is not a jungle gym. Keep that rug-rat away. I am trying to pull a 20 kg piece of luggage off a moving belt. The last thing I should be worrying about is if this will crush your damn kid.<br />
I know most of these make me sound like a grumpy traveler. I am usually a nice person if you come up and talk to me. But I have had my share of crappy experiences like holding out a barf bag for a fellow passenger as we came in to land in Amsterdam. But, I do follow these things myself in an attempt to make the experience of flying tolerable to ones around me. None of these makes you a smart flyer, but puts you on the route to be a decent traveler. To close this off, here are two pro-tips heard from a smart flyer:<br />
<i><b>Your lost baggage</b></i>: If you are flying in for some important meeting, make sure you have a change of clothes in your cabin baggage. Just in case your checked baggage gets lost or delayed, you can still focus on the job at hand.<br />
<i><b>Your jetlag</b></i>: This one applies only if you can sleep on a flight. While the airline has its own schedule, I suggest that if you are crossing timezones, switch to the timezone of the destination airport the moment the aircraft takes off. If it is night there, sleep, if it is day, stay awake. Follow this for each leg of the journey. It may just alleviate the jetlag a bit or a lot as in my case.<br />
That's about it for now. With nearly 200,000 miles under my belt, all I look forward to hitting my magic number of 1,000,000 miles. Hope you do too! Happy flying.
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Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-64319102910912740602013-08-15T15:57:00.000-07:002013-08-15T15:57:08.364-07:00Another one for 2013... (yes, thesis is done)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A pious mouth and a pious heart don't always co-habit the same man.<br /><br />As a baby I couldn't tell politics apart from poop. Apparently I still can't.<br /><br />He is a happy man who treats a setback like a river with a bridge and gets over it quickly.<br /><br />It's the interpretation of an action and not the intention behind it that matters.<br /><br />On an average, everyone knows a lot about something and nearly nothing about everything else. On an average that also means everyone is a blithering idiot who knows nothing.<br /><br />Remember this. They will tell you that there is no better feeling than having achieved a difficult goal. You will get to feel that world is at your feet, like after having climbed a big mountain and that the vistas offered are to be enjoyed and appreciated. And you should do all this because it is your moment. It is your chance to bask in glory. But this is what they won't tell you. This moment is fleeting. You will turn and see another peak in the distance or even the stars, egging you towards a harder and more arduous challenge. This is your true chance. This is the moment where you will say, "Meh!" to one of the views and turn to the other. The way, which you are left facing after that 'meh', is what will matter the most.<br /><br />The true measure of the greatness of a warrior, in possession of a great weapon, is the restraint he shows towards using that weapon.<br /><br />Use your charm or hint at harm. But get it done!<br /><br />You can do as you please as long as someone with the power to stop you stays pleased.<br /><br />You think therefore you exist. But to live, one must also feel.</div>
Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-53326757381789936442013-02-21T16:53:00.000-08:002013-02-21T16:53:03.079-08:00And one for 2013<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Took over 6 months for these ones (also not my best lot either)... But am also writing my thesis in the meanwhile...<br />
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Yesterday was the best day of the rest of your life<br />
<br />I am most certainly not the smartest man alive. But that is not sufficient for you to assume that you are any smarter than me.<br />
<br />I don't doubt your intelligence. It's your stupidity that I am more worried about.<br /><br />
I don't like being right all the time. I'd rather see you be right once in a while.<br /><br />
If wishes were horses wouldn't your mind be a stable?<br /><br />
It's not about the tool. It's the tool holding that tool that makes the difference.<br /><br />
Listen to everything you say to someone else, for in those words you will find the best understanding of your own prejudices.<br /><br />
Love thyself and people will call you Narcissus... Love not and they'll blame you for having low self-esteem!<br /><br />
Man is the biggest figment of his imagination.<br /><br />
You got to smite me harder before I kneel.<br /></div>
Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-43052261185026778982012-11-29T19:03:00.000-08:002012-11-29T19:03:09.260-08:00The 42nd post turns out to be "The nerd’s guide to surviving Twilight-4"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Disclaimers:<br />
a.) *Spoiler Alert* This article is full of spoilers. If you want to watch the movie for its pure unadulterated romance, 1.) Never come back to this website 2.) Why are you still reading?<br />
b.) Yes, I went to the movie on my own volition. No, I am not crazy. I guess it was my way of trying to tag along with a gal who is way out of my league (she’s a 9,9 on brains and beauty) and yes she wanted to watch Twilight. Girl’s allowed to have weaknesses. And yes, the jury is still out on the matter of me being crazy.<br />
c.) This article is for a very select audience. The kind that knows who General Custer is and that Avatar is not necessarily about a blue Pocanhontas and who have read this blog so far.<br />
d.) This happened.<br />
e.) But don’t believe everything you read on the internet.<br />
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The usual riff-raff:<br />
The backstory since I assume you haven’t seen the rest (Nor have I but I was given a full synopsis during the pre-movie adverts). Vampire meets girl. Girl meets werewolf. Vampire meets girl again. Wedding bells and a fast forward to a baby that just falls short of being a chestburster from Aliens. Nah, this is a romantic movie. Or so you’d think.<br />
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The game for surviving 116 minutes of Twilight craziness works as follows: Identify the maximum number of elements from the movie that violate physics, break real legal laws, identify historical references and or shamelessly copied movie references. Very much like in-game achievements that you collect. So here is a list of opportunities for collecting the achievements in-game.<br />
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Some survival pointers: Don’t buy any soda/pop. Also make sure the popcorn is salty. The sweet version might just send you into a diabetic coma from the ensuing romance (which I felt was boringly mechanical. Then maybe I am dead within. Who knows?)<br />
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Scene: Opening credits.<br />
The scenes are from a cold isolated place. Bear Grylls shot some of his scenes in one of these locations. No he actually didn’t. But let’s imagine he did.<br />
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Achievement challenge 1: How long can you survive in this place if you were a.) left without any tools and b) weren’t a vampire c) had to run a distance before your hands start shaking.<br />
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Achievement challenge 2: Some of those are not outdoors nature scenes but more like what a chestburster would see as it claws out of its victim. How many?<br />
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Scene: Bella wakes up.<br />
She’s hungry and superstrong. Cue the scenes where she and her vampire hubby run through the forest looking for prey.<br />
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Achievement challenge 3: Which movie has the similar scenes where the characters run really fast like Flash? (hint: it has to something to do with Kung Fu).<br />
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Bella almost kills a man (I am guessing he was a certain famous Scientologist) who is minding his own business a.k.a. rock climbing. Then she decides against it and jumps off the ledge back into the forest.<br />
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Achievement challenge 4: Name the scientologist and calculate the velocity of impact when Bella hits the forest floor.<br />
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Bella then goes back and instead of killing the doe she kills the cougar that is about to bring dinner home to its cubs.<br />
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Achievement challenge 5: Which US state believes that cougars are nuisance wildlife?<br />
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Scene: Back at the coven lodge.<br />
Bella finds out that she’s given birth to a creepy baby (no seriously, that spawn of the devil better be a bad CGI job else we are doomed) and that her ex-boyfriend werewolf has ‘imprinted’ on her. It took me a while to figure out what imprinting means and that explained why Bella throws a half-hearted fit.<br />
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Achievement challenge 6: Estimate the creepiness factor involved with first dating a woman and then her daughter (whom you will actually see in her diapers)<br />
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Bella is annoyed that the werewolf nicknames her precious daughter after the Loch Ness monster.<br />
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Achievement challenge 7: Name the American equivalent of Nessie. Also for added bonus, correctly locate the coordinates of Nessie’s home.<br />
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Scene: Their new home and some overdue snogging. Don’t expect more, it’s a 12A movie.<br />
The house has appeared in the middle of nowhere. Sure they may be vampires but…<br />
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Achievement challenge 8: Suspend your disbelief that power, water and sewage handling magically happen in the house in the middle of nowhere and the forest rangers don’t notice the sudden appearance of the house.<br />
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Scene: Enter stage right Castor.<br />
Castor/Aro, all blackened from the events at the End of Line club goes yadda yadda. Doesn’t matter what he says. He is the evil guy as usual.<br />
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Achievement challenge 9: Daft Punk it. Agreed Tron Legacy was lame (not). Maybe there will be another post about that later. But if you can play the Castor soundtrack in your head, you just survived a whole four minutes more. Added bonus if you can recall the distraction called Olivia Wilde on that really white couch.<br />
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Scene: Merchant of Venice<br />
Someone has disappeared. Not before they leave a cryptic message that asks Bella to find witnesses to put in harm’s way before the snow sticks. Why not just pencil the date on the calendar?<br />
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Achievement challenge 10: Wonder why Bella will take another 20 min of the movie before figuring out there is more to the message in the rest of the book. And the fact that it proves to be actually worthless eventually.<br />
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Scene: Meet the family<br />
Up north-er still? There’s the weird old aunt who packs a 10,000V spark generator instead of paws. This Taser-aunt is not going to be on the favorites list for that chestburster which has by now grown into a non-CGI horror kid, but still retains the creepiness just like baby-fat.<br />
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Achievement challenge 11: What would happen if a Taser is triggered in a shower or more relevant to the movie, when the hand is stuck in snow? Actual question: Which movie shows one of the protagonists catching the Taser in his face?<br />
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Scene: Enter the Avatar<br />
The last Airbender’s scene with equivalently bad CGI set in Egypt suddenly shows that the pyramids survived the events of Transformers 2. In the real world the Airbender movie actually trailered before Transformers 2. That also happened. Surreally.<br />
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Achievement challenge 12: The courtyard was originally used for another movie involving scarabs. Which one?<br />
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Scene: Sue Storm meet n00b Vampire.<br />
So Bella is a shield. Nick Fury is going to be very annoyed. But their paths wont cross fortunately. She’s projecting her shield but is nowhere good as Jessica Alba in (the answer unlocks Achievement 13). Too bad Bella also never skimps down to her bare essentials like Ms Alba does.<br />
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Achievement challenge 14: Even X-men (the movie version) had a character that could disable mutant superpowers. Where is this mutant kept in the movie?<br />
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Scene: Campfire with war stories<br />
An odd collection of vampires have gathered. And they are sharing stories. One mentions two battles. One at the Little Big Horn. Judging by the lack of laughter in the theater, this was an American in-joke lost on outsiders. Unless they have watched the movie with Amelia Everhart and Sacagawea called (answer unlocks Achievement 15). Another battle is mentioned. Guess the date for unlocking Achievement 16.<br />
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Scene: More random stuff<br />
I don’t care what it is. I am just trying to find my moxie while contemplating about Amy Adam’s pretty nose. Yeah, I am still stuck on Achievement 15. But get pulled out by the sudden appearance of a Scientologist’s annoying daughter (in a movie that is). She’s all grown up and is messing with people’s heads. I guess screaming at Martians (in which movie? for Achievement 17) was not enough.<br />
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Scene: Final battle<br />
The battle royal or so it seems. Peace negotiations fall through. And some nice head-lopping action follows. Why is Dakota Fanning’s character allowed to loiter on the battlefield? Couldn’t they have in the last so many months filled with campfires come up with a proper battle strategy? Why is the Airbender punching vampires when he could convert all the frozen ice into a flying rain of sharp head lopping shards? Even Voldemort knew better in the Order of the Phoenix. But they eventually behead the annoyance that is Castor/Aro.<br />
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Achievement Challenge 18: Identify one more good vampire who could have ended the battle just on her own. Hint: She creates whole holodecks right in your mind without requiring a three-finger mind-meld and face touching (Achievement Challenge 19: which was the last movie to feature this?)<br />
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Scene: The rude shock or enter Alice (no Umbrella involvement detected).<br />
The battle never really happened. Castor was shown what would happen through a hand-meld futurama. This is the worst part of the movie ever. (The romantic bits excluded.) For a well rounded movie, someone in the protagonist’s camp has to die. More the better. The sense of loss is greater and the value of victory is better valued. But the battle itself dies a lame death post-simulation. Aro drops the ball literally. Aro now knows exactly how and when each of his compatriots dies in the battle. Given that he spends most of that time standing around doing nothing, he could have manipulated the events to his favor. Even (answer unlocks Achievement 20) does a better job with just a sports almanac As for the victorious Bella: All those folks did was to round up a bunch of dumb vampires who couldn’t even work out a proper battle strategy and kept bitching about Alice who disappeared. The shameful bit is that Alice is actually working her pretty behind off to find proof that the child is not a chestburster, umm.. I mean an immortal child. And the very same Alice also manages to stave off a head lopping filled fight and brings the standoff to a peaceful conclusion without a single head rolling. Well except the one of that stupid cousin from up north, who creates the whole mess in the first place. I guess, justice is finally served.<br />
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Scene: All’s well and it’s happily ever after.<br />
The movie is finally over. Whew! If you are anything like me, you will have spent most time recalling the best bits of the (16 at least) movies that unlock achievements of our little game. You’d have never really noticed the movie in front of you during this time. Congratulations! You just survived the end of Twilight. Final achievement unlocked!<br />
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Now go home and pop in an old DVD of a Buffy re-run and remind yourself: a.) vampires are not real. b.) if they are they usually die with a stake through the heart c.) and even if not, they can’t loiter around in broad daylight. d) It is still illegal to ‘imprint’ babies in all 50 states and pretty much across the whole world.</div>
Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-30092678762064352762012-07-02T12:19:00.000-07:002012-07-02T12:21:45.183-07:00Nearly 10 months on... another 10...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A healthy dose of fantasy can always alleviate reality. However it is only prudent to not get addicted to it.<br />
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I have nothing to offer. Except maybe a well-exercised brain. And I'd rather you didn't eat it.<br />
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If lottery is a tax on stupidity, then a lot of us are guilty of evasion.<br />
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It is a sign of a fruitful journey when you pick up many artifacts on the way, some you place in your backpack and others you commit to memory.<br />
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No wonder the Tyrannosaurus Rex is always shown as an angry creature. With those tiny arms, what would it do if it got a belly itch?<br />
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Smarties don't make you smart. But they don't make you smart either.<br />
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Take note of the moments when you trifle an accomplishment and when you overvalue a trifle, for these are the moments when your relationship with greatness takes a turn.<br />
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The only thing that you can have everything of, happens to be nothing.<br />
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There are two kinds of people. Ones who believe that when you break a rule, you should be punished. And the ones who believe that when they break a rule, they should be punished.<br />
<br />
When god shuts a door he opens a window. But you should seriously doubt his intentions if you don't happen to live on the ground floor.</div>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-2142849551961027112011-10-11T12:38:00.000-07:002011-10-11T12:41:34.488-07:00Another 10 after a really long time...All of us start life thinking we will always get to say FTW. Most of us end up living life saying it in reverse.<br /><br />At times it is best to not prick the bubble which some people tend to live in. You might not like what comes out.<br /><br />Be generous with compliments and stingy with criticism, but always wash them with truth before dispensing.<br /><br />It is ok to fence your boundaries with your intolerance to contrary ideals. But only as long as you intend to grow beyond them.<br /><br />It must be hard being the ocean. The whole world spills its sorrows into you and you have no one to turn to. Even the merciless sun beats down on you. You simmer, the growing mass salt stings your insides. You seethe, you rage only to retreat within yourself.<br /><br />Life insurance is all about betting on your own death and hoping that you lose.<br /><br />Most of the time, I hate deadlines. But there is nothing more satisfying than watching one charge at you with its fangs out and you calmly wait for it to make it into the crosshairs, then put a slug through it and smugly watch it whimper to a slow death.<br /><br />The concept of equality is like a barb-wire fence between the oppressors and the oppressed which makes the concept of a fence-sitter implausible.<br /><br />The difference between confidence and determination is the gap between what you perceive yourself to be capable of and what you are actually capable of.<br /><br />Yeah I always considered him a level-headed bloke. Ground-level actually.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-89353337674399492082011-06-02T02:25:00.000-07:002011-06-02T02:30:50.965-07:00And that takes us past 250...I like vegetarians so much that I eat the animals that eat up their food.<br /><br />Life is like baseball. Even when you are down two strikes facing the best pitcher and getting to second base would take an act of God, you dream of hitting a home run. When you manage to get your home run, it is against the worst pitcher who has all the bases loaded. And lastly, just when you think the best pitcher can never be hit for a home run, the worst batter on your team manages to hit one. No wonder the Americans love the game.<br /><br />Never make an offer that will be refused.<br /><br />Problems are like angry elephants. Staring at one in the face or from a mile away changes our perception about them.<br /><br />So you tweet on Twitter. Does that make you a twit or a twat?<br /><br />There are no bad photographs, just bad photographers...<br /><br />Try being nice to others even if it is just to get the adrenaline rush of stepping out of your comfort zone.<br /><br />Unrequited love is the best kind of love, for in its 'what-ifs' one can dream a million lifetimes instead of one.<br /><br />Wish I had a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talent_%28measurement%29">talent</a>... of gold...<br /><br />You are always on the top of the world. You just need to see it that way.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-20665389504424756902011-02-01T00:57:00.000-08:002011-02-01T01:00:09.505-08:00And that brings us to 243...Anyone who thinks that an individual himself is responsible for his failure has never played any kind of contact sport.<br /><br />I am a nonconformist, of nonconformism too.<br /><br />If I ever wrote a self-help book, it would just say, "Self-help is about helping yourself and not reading a book about how to help yourself."<br /><br />It is as simple as milking a crocodile to make cheese.<br /><br />It is surprising as to how we search for deeper meaning in the mindless drivel of notable individuals while eagerly dismissing the masterpieces of lesser known ones as unintelligible faffing.<br /><br />It's ok to ask for the moon mostly. Not when we've just entered orbit around Mercury.<br /><br />Many of our failures result from our inability to discern the impossible from the improbable.<br /><br />My honne is so far apart from my tatemae that they could fit the whole damn galaxy between them.<br /><br />Seeing a bird glide around unmindful of the presence of the sun in the sky makes me wonder. Am I a bird because I am not supposed to ponder about the existence of the sun or am I a bird because I do not?<br /><br />The only reason why people believe in god and buy lottery tickets is because the cost of getting it right is just too small.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-10317936205005184002010-10-15T04:03:00.000-07:002010-10-15T04:08:14.826-07:0011... 11... 11...Human ignorance is really dangerous because it is not only about not knowing but also lacking the will to know.<br /><br />I don't loathe people who keep "wishing" that I do better. I do wish they would shut the f**k up once in a while.<br /><br />I don't take hints. What do you think I am? An Oracle PL/SQL Compiler? /*+ HINT+If Exist female admirer */<br /><br />If you don't want your glass to be half empty... then STOP drinking from it!<br /><br />Is it such a grave crime to have looked for affirmation once in a while?<br /><br />Never question your subconscious. You may not like the answers.<br /><br />Oppose me if you should. But before doing so, ask yourself a question. Is the cause I stand for evil? If the answer is no, ask yourself why do you really oppose me?<br /><br />The biggest obstacle visionaries face is the gene pool of their own species which is geared to only tackle immediate threats and not mitigate long term ones. And this is also why saving the environment is such a dormant concern in most of the humans.<br /><br />The difference between a masterpiece and a monumental failure is the perception of the audience.<br /><br />The problem with people is that in their dictionary rights come before duties.<br /><br />It is so improbable that the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technology_in_The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy#Infinite_Improbability_Drive">Infinite Improbability Drive</a> should construct itself out of thin air right here any moment now.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-14247726180323990922010-08-24T02:14:00.000-07:002010-09-04T14:32:25.538-07:00Here comes the sun... err... umm.. no... the next 10<p>Be sure that there will be one person who doesn't cry at your wake and that be you.</p><p><br />Beliefs should be like wine glasses. They should be kept clean, protected, cherished and handed down as family heirlooms. But when the right wine and the right moment comes along, they should be consigned to the flames of the hearth in celebration of newly found ones.</p><p><br />I am the result of 3 billion lines of code.<br> P.S. Send all bug reports to God!</p><p><br />I refuse to be part of a movement. I wish to be the movement.</p><p><br />It doesn't matter how you got here. What matters is what your next step is going to be. What you choose it to be is going to define where you go from here.</p><p><br />It's not about the half full glass mate... It is about the whole beer fridge.</p><p><br />Just because I am not famous doesn't mean I don't have a story to tell.</p><p><br />People want others to believe that their values are constants. But they actually declare them as variables.</p><p><br />Space is the final solution to wars. Why? Because annoying neighbors are less of a concern for someone who has the ability to vacation in a foreign land.</p><p><br />There is a fine line between being naive and being delusional. I think I am on the right side of it.</p>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-52576758984192251352010-08-02T17:09:00.000-07:002010-08-24T02:13:34.163-07:00Rise of the Über-GeekRecently I was drawn into a discussion that I had managed to troll myself into. The subject (link <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/09/the-geekiest-bikinis-of-a_n_628392.html">here</a>) was rather benignly interesting but turned out to be rather insidious as it triggered the organic growth of the discussion. At the end of it, which it finally did before having been put down about thrice (Cue the “Die! Die! Why won’t you die!”) I was left with a question. The answer to which I had a realization. A realization I’d like to now share.<br />Back in time when I was growing up, (and this was a really long time ago), the word ‘geek’ had a special meaning. A meaning which embraced a certain stereotype that fit the meaning and the lives of those who were forever affected by this tag. Even today Wikipedia lists the following definitions of geek<br />"A bright young man turned inward, poorly socialized, who felt so little kinship with his own planet that he routinely traveled to the ones invented by his favorite authors, who thought of that secret, dreamy place his computer took him to as cyberspace—somewhere exciting, a place more real than his own life, a land he could conquer, not a drab teenager's room in his parents' house."<br />“A derogatory reference to a person obsessed with intellectual pursuits for their own sake, who is also deficient in most other human attributes so as to impair the person's smooth operation within society.”<br />And the mainstream media has done little to not fit to this stereotype of a socially awkward, fashion derelict individual who would most often be found wearing glasses resembling the sawed off bottoms of coke bottles. This was the mainstream geek. He had one and one superpower and that was his obscenely extreme intellect, so well-endowed that most of the time his mouth would not be able to keep up with his mind. Forever shunned by the opposite sex in all forms of attractiveness he would end up being tormented by the athletic type of his own gender. All in all, there was no class differentiation between a nerd and a geek. All geeks and nerds were alike to a layman fun-maker, like penguins. Waddling in their own worlds there was no need to distinguish them apart as Emperors and Gentoos. Being called one was a slur and being one was not any kid’s dream.<br />But halfway across the world from where I was growing up, a change was happening. Four geeks aptly titled as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_of_Silicon_Valley">“The Pirates of the Silicon Valley”</a> were starting a paradigm shift related to the social view towards geeks. To that effect that one of them could actually go on to state, “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.” And the world took notice. Suddenly the intricacies of normal life like finances were realized to be merely easy puzzles that these geeks could solve on their way to untold riches. But in their deepest hearts these individuals were still the geeks, the old school ones.<br />Suddenly being a geek was cool and fashionable. This is where the genesis started. The new millennium, now a decade old, has a new class of individuals. These individuals conform to none of the old stereotypes of geek-hood. They proclaim themselves to be geeks. In their defense most of them do possess the superpower but lack the persona to fit in. That would be a fundamentally upsetting situation in case of (for the sake of example) superheroes. How would you react to Superman mouthing, “Up! Up! And Away!” while dressed as Bozo the Clown? And only a similar reaction comes to an old-school person when faced with individuals who could give Lily Cole a run for her looks (yeah that <a href="http://www.supermodels.nl/ModelPics/lilycole/207.jpg">Lily Cole</a>) and yet call themselves “geeks”! (In all fairness Ms Cole aced her tests as a student at King’s College, Cambridge). These individuals are well-adjusted to social nuances, less prone to social awkwardness, are never known to sport unkempt looks and all in all, still are the smartest lot of people around. Understandably they take it as a compliment when called a geek and an insult when not classed as one. This is exactly why the article, I referred to, got me into trouble. As an old-school believer of geekdom, it was impossible for me to imagine the context of relating the two titular entities of the article.<br />As with our understanding of life around us, we are sometimes required to coin new terms to refer to insights arising out of a deeper study. And in this case, I think it is no longer fair to either class of individuals, new or old, to be referred with the same name. And thus rises the uber-geek, a result of Darwinian evolution, having suppressed undesirable traits and enhanced the desirable ones, as a new species that is so splendid that being one could be every kid’s dream.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >P.S. The author claims no affiliation to any of the species mentioned above mostly because his application for membership was denied with the comment, “Has no superpowers”</span>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-2881526060597557172010-06-17T09:09:00.000-07:002010-09-04T14:32:25.540-07:00Past 200...Most people know that I go by the name True Realist. Very few know that my middle name is "Cynic and Bitter"<br /><br />Such is the beauty of ideas and research, that tend to materialize at the most inopportune times, when all that may be at hand is toilet paper.<br /><br />The most dangerous secrets that we have are the ones we keep from ourselves.<br /><br />There are ways and then there are ways. It is not about the ways we choose but rather the ways we don't.<br /><br />The light at the end of the tunnel is just a decoy. The hidden sycthe is what's meant for you.<br /><br />There are stereotypes and then there are stereotypes. The one stereotype that has never failed me is that most humans, by themselves, are jerks.<br /><br />We wear masks because all of us are afraid of mirrors...<br /><br />Whoever suggested that when going through hell the best option is to keep going, clearly never heard about U-turns!<br /><br />Copernicus proved centuries ago that the Earth is not the center of the Universe, much less so is an insignificantly minute entity residing on it. And by that, I meant you, <insert appropriate="" name="" here=""><insert><br /><br />I swam through a sea of perfumed revelry, of sweet nothings, of happy endings & new beginnings, of gay abandon without the worry for tomorrow. I emerged onto the sands of my penance, arid & hot, blown not by a gentle breeze but that of the hot breath of fleeting time. I touch my brow, to wipe off an odd droplet, find none has clung to me and only chance upon a stoic realization, "Wow! God really made me water-proof!"<br /><br />In a moment of astounding clarity, I dawned upon a question. What if the soul was still matter, just not bound by the Higgs field? The Higgs field is what makes matter as we know it, unyielding and unwilling to share the same space. If the soul was the matter free of the Higgs field, it could traverse anything and everything at the speed of light or maybe more? And that makes the ancient wisdom talking about freeing oneself of the materialistic plane of existence a lot more sensible. It asks the soul to be able to free itself, not unto death, from the matter that binds it within the body and thence explore a whole new universe of possibilities that lie beyond it.</insert>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-2054949169954002402010-03-21T05:34:00.000-07:002010-09-04T14:32:25.542-07:00The unnoticed 200...<p class="MsoNormal">24 February 2010 was a landmark date in history of cricket. The most famous man of modern day cricket (Bradman was from a prior generation) had entered his name in the annals of history by notching up 200 runs in an ODI. Tributes and praises flowed like a flooded river on a rainy day. A few days later, something else happened too. Something that started out on 19 January 2007 and finally reached a similar numerical mark on the 9 March 2010. So while no one will quote that it took 1145 days to get there and while it didn’t garner so much attention, here it is anyways...</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The 15 that bring me to my 200<sup>th</sup> quote:<br /><br />A little fantasy is necessary for the sanity within reality. The trick is to know where to draw the line.<br /><br />Edison is known less for the 2000 failed experiments with the light bulb than he is for the 1800+ patents he filed. Bottom-line is, it is ok to fail only if you eventually succeed.<br /><br />Education doesn't teach us how to deal with the harsh realities of life. When faced with these, it teaches us that we ourselves are to be blamed.<br /><br />I don't want to believe in life after death because I don't want to see God standing at the end of the white light with a smirk on his face that says, "You got it all wrong!"<br /><br />I like real women. Unfortunately all the ones I've met so far are complex.<br /><br />If you hit rock-bottom hard enough, you might just get lodged there.<br /><br />It is never the end of the world, except unless it is actually the end of the world.<br /><br />I've got all the trappings of a genius, except maybe the intellect.<br /><br />Just because it has been all bad so far, do you think everything's gonna turn round and become positive? What do you think life is? An integer?<br /><br />My pet peeve about smart-phones is that they fool some of their users into believing that having one makes them smarter.<br /><br />Some describe a lifetime in a sentence. Others describe lifetime as a sentence. I wish to do neither.<br /><br />The colour of an object is the one which the object rejects and reflects out. Even in nature you are best known by what you don't do.<br /><br />The necessary conditions for saving the earth are that the process is either fashionable or economically profitable to do so.<br /><br />What we are, is the sum total of all the hurts we've received.<br /><br />When the grapes are sour, get into the vinegar business!<br /><br />You cannot change the world. You can only change the world.<br /></p>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-19251609889029936802010-01-10T17:30:00.000-08:002010-01-10T17:34:25.053-08:00Than loose it!<p class="MsoNormal">There are people who have pet peeves about English grammar. There are people who are peeved by the desecration of English grammar by people. And there are others who are vexed by the English language itself. Then there is me. I am a non-native English speaker and refer to it as my father tongue. Unlike the native speakers, especially those who are less tolerant to others, I understand that this language can be hard to deal with. Though wait till you see French. But this is not about French. This is about English and my specific peeve related to it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>I find it easy to let people off the hook for mistakes related to tense. Ask the Chinese. Their concept of tense and time in language is very different. So when they are translating a thought in their mind to convey it to you in English, they might just falter with the tense. This is pardonable easily and necessarily. They are quick learners.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>In the same vein, mistakes in construction of sentences or punctuation, is pardonable. That is only as long as the meaning is not changed to something incomprehensible or hilarious. “Eats, shoots and leaves” over “Eats shoots and leaves” provides comic respite instead of being a source of irritation.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>The queerness of the language and the queerness of people trying to use it can be an endless source of entertainment. As a challenge, I would rather take it upon myself to understand the intended message instead of trying to throw off a speaker by ridiculing him for incorrect usage. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>So then, what is it that rankles me when it comes to English language? It is these four words: Than, then, lose, loose and all the associated use or should I say rather misuse associated with them. I don’t really know the history of origin of these four words, but whoever chose to give them a. similar sounds, b. similar spellings; is in my opinion the biggest moron of all time. And these happen to be used the wrong way around 9 out of 10 times they are used. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Nothing takes the edge off a message than the line, “If he can do it, than you can too.” (No I can’t because you and he are morons!). And then there’s the other one, “Than we realized our mistake.” (No you didn’t, you just made another). Even veterans tend to make this mistake then what can I say about the other not so fortunate ones?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’d say that if I had a penny for every time I ended up losing my temper over the misused ‘loose’ I wouldn’t have to worry about having a job. A friend once wrote to me, “I think I am loosing her.” (Good for her, I wish you’d lose my email address too) Maybe I should loosen up a bit on someone asking me, “Should I carry some lose change?” (I don’t know. Can you carry something that’s already lost?)<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Call it an esoteric allergy, like one to male cockroaches that gives you a nasty rash on the bum. But the misuse of these words is ever so prevalent like male cockroaches. And I hate rashes on my bum. To add to this, there are the consistent offenders who despite being corrected, continue to use the wrong ones in the same conversation. This makes them bigger morons than the person who made these words similar sounding. Alas, only the Queen of Hearts can scream, “Off with their heads” and have it seen to effect.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In conclusion, it is only fair to mention a trick for remembering the correct usage. Years ago Readers’ Digest put to rest any confusion that could arise around the two similar words, ‘stationary’ and ‘stationery’ by a simple trick. The ‘a’ in stationary stood for ‘action’. And hence, the pencil, ruler, clips had nothing to do with it. They would all be the loyal followers of stationery. In a similar way, here’s something to remember: </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The extra ‘o’ in loose is the excess that makes your pants loose. With extra ‘o’ lost, you have no more ‘o’s to lose.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The ‘e’ in ‘then’ stands for ‘event’ and hence subsequently something else happens. The ‘a’ in ‘than’ stands for ‘another’ without which there can be no comparison.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Hope you have this memorized and tucked away in a handy corner of your brain. And if you happen to have any other misnomers about the usage of these four words, <span style="font-style: italic;">than please loose them right away! ;)</span></p>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-295841940231827252010-01-08T06:17:00.000-08:002010-09-04T14:32:25.544-07:00The first 10 for 2010Being your own doctor is about knowing when to self-medicate on alcohol.<br /><br />Fashion is not about beauty. It is about ugliness. For beautiful is perfect and doesn't need to be changed. Fashion on the other hand, needs to be changed every now and then.<br /><br />I know the horizon is not real. Yet I chase it so that one day I'll be able to run fast enough to get past it!<br /><br />I won't ask why it rains on me though I do want to know where I can find my umbrella.<br /><br />It's unbelievable as to how people hope that the new year is going to be wonderful and great whilst they have just seen its predecessor beat all records of crappiness.<br /><br />Never say no to an offer that will never be made!<br /><br />Relationships are easy. Just like 5th grade maths. The only problem is that most of us aren't past the 2nd grade.<br /><br />The easiest way to a man's heart is through is stomach because it is ridiculously hard to cut through the ribcage!<br /><br />The trick behind being intelligent is about knowing when to be stupid.<br /><br />Going beyond the obvious at times just requires a good look at the obvious itself.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-36263642352411612012009-10-31T19:13:00.000-07:002010-09-04T14:32:25.545-07:00The new 10<span style="font-style: italic;">These ones are here because someone pinged me and reminded me that I had not posted new ones for quite a while. So with a thanks to the follower, here goes:</span><br /><br />If you want to run away from everything, then you gotta run towards nothing!<br /><br />Adversity is God's way of telling you that having something is not a right but only an earned privilege.<br /><br />Does someone continually pin-pricked by grief deserve it any more than someone shot point blank by it?<br /><br />Evil thoughts need no welcome mats, good ones though demand a red carpet!<br /><br />Give me the courage to speak up when speaking matters the most, the smartness to shut up when silence is what matters, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.<br /><br />If you are only as smart as the company you keep, then would it make Einstein dumber or his peers smarter?<br /><br />Love is like a living velociraptor: despite your movie-fueled lifelong neurotic obsession, unlikely to be found in your environment even if you are at the Disney World's Jurassic Park ride.<br /><br />There is always a great year ahead of you, just that it shifts ahead by a day everyday!<br /><br />What do you do when you know that doing something is not going to make you happy and yet not doing it is also not going to make you happy.<br /><br />When you think, "Am I the only one?" there are at least 1 billion people thinking just the same as you... creepily at the very same moment! <a href="http://www.xkcd.com/610/">http://www.xkcd.com/610/</a>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-82666526605864464042009-10-31T18:03:00.000-07:002009-10-31T18:17:32.331-07:0050 kilos of Life<span style="font-size:100%;"> How much does one’s soul weigh? And since without the soul, there is no life, consequently how much does one’s life weigh? If MacDougall is to be believed for his work in 1907, it is 21 grams. The airline companies have a more definitive answer. It is 50 kilos if you are traveling economy class across the Atlantic. It is more if you are traveling business or first class. Since I am not someone born with a silver spoon in his mouth, it’s the 50 kilos that matter.<br /><br /> For the first 20 odd years of my life, I stayed in my home town. Travel outside to other cities was limited to short trips, with a definite return date not so far into the future. Then, I started on my first job. Ever since then, I’ve practically lived out of my suitcases. So after nearly five years now, I look back and wonder at the way this has defined my life. I have been to places, lived for considerably long durations in 4 cities and seen another 40 or so. And each time I moved for good, there always has been this dilemma about what to carry on and what not to.<br /><br /> Moving from one city to another takes its toll on certain individuals. Especially me. There are some I’ve seen, who don’t really seem to be affected by it at all. While I would agonize in a Shakespearean ‘to or not to’ take a certain item along, these people are packed and ready in a backpack not even 10 kg in weight. These are the people I envy, and yet I have never been able to get them to divulge their secret of their life, er, packing. For them, life weighs as much as a small backpack can fit in it. They are, what I call, birds. Light, free from the baggage of life that I tend to collect so easily. But this is not about them.<br /><br /> For the less fortunate souls like me, the 50 kilos, so grudgingly allowed by the airlines, is not enough to hold everything that I need. And I don’t even get started on what I want to take along. In each city I’ve spent long enough, there is with someone, tied only by the fact that this someone knew me, a potted plant which once adorned the window in the room I stayed in. Then there’s this chest-drawer full of small odds and ends lying in the place I started out from. Its material value is probably nothing. But with each of those small things is a memory associated. Maybe the memory is something trivial in the grand scale of things, but profoundly touching enough to make me hold on to it for this long. And yet when I set out to travel to a new city, that chest-drawer is the last place I look for stuff. Over time, I’ve noticed that it is not just that chest-drawer back home. In each place, I’ve called home long enough; I’ve managed to collect a similar chest-drawer full of stuff. Just that when it is time to leave, that gets left behind.<br /><br /> The crazy part of all this is that every single thing in the bags is, more often than not, easily procurable at the destination. Neither have I been to a city which doesn’t sell toothpaste to its travelers nor one which doesn’t have clothes or utensils on offer. Yet instead of carrying along that chest-drawer full of memories, I pack in an umbrella. It is simple practicality that always wins over everything else.<br /><br /> 50 kilos of stuff is not much. Not when it is not gold. Not when it is not something as precious as memories. Still when it is time to choose what should go along and what should be left behind, it is the not so precious that wins. We leave many of the things, which mattered, behind hoping that somewhere in our mind, we have made the space for the memory about them and the time associated with them. If all these memories are the sum total of our life and we end up leaving behind some of these memories just like the objects, how much of our life do we end up losing by the time we get to the end of the journey? And how much of it do we really carry beyond? 21 grams doesn’t seem a lot of baggage as a soul. And what do I pack? Does the place where I’ll spend eternity need an umbrella? Will there be a shop round the corner which will sell me the stuff I might need? Do I get to carry on the memories of a lifetime or is there a traveler class distinction that says 21 grams worth of memories only? I can almost hear a ghostly whisper saying, “We are sorry, but only Pharaoh-class travelers are allowed to bring along a pyramid full of stuff.”<br />We all need memories to remember who we are. Even if eternity or the next birth is supposed to be a clean slate, I do hope that I’ve a big chest-drawer full of memories to leave behind.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-size:85%;">--Though it might seem odd, this blog-post is dedicated to my two suitcases, the vessels of the 50 kilos of my life over the numerous trans-Atlantic hops and other travels, holding on to their precious cargo with unwavering grit, at an occasional cost of a wheel or handle and checkered with countless baggage tags, each one as a proof of a journey successfully completed.</span><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-7556802247495370582009-08-14T21:37:00.000-07:002010-09-04T14:32:25.547-07:0010 in 5 months...Blessed are those who only see one side of the truth. It leaves them with very little to contend within.<br /><br />Calling you honey is not a term of endearment. It is my way of calling you the excrement of an insect!<br /><br />Just because you don't fit in doesn't mean you were meant to stand out.<br /><br />My doc wants me to stay off anything sweet, even sweet dreams.<br /><br />Reading a book is like getting a tattoo, even if you hate it later, it still identifies you as who you are.<br /><br />Some times the best thing to do is nothing at all. Knowing those times is the only thing I need to learn.<br /><br />The only advantage of bullshit is that as it matures, it becomes manure!<br /><br />The only reason, why I tread an oft trodden path, is because its harder to see the trail of destruction I leave behind!<br /><br />The reason why reality always wins over illusions is because it pretty much well lasts longer.<br /><br />The world accepts genius with the same enthusiasm as a 110V bulb accepts being plugged into a 220V source.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-3621720277231830792009-03-25T21:31:00.000-07:002010-09-04T14:32:25.549-07:00Any interaction with me always involves a little bit of Google. It is when I'm doing the Googling, that I enjoy the conversation more than usual.<br /><br />Because there are no happy endings, just an illusion of the ones which were and the ones which were not.<br /><br />Bugs are immortal. Programmers unfortunately, arent.<br /><br />Definitive proof that 136 is less than 36: A pair of 36Ds dangling in front of a IQ: 136...<br /><br />God probably invented the Devil to hide the fact that life is an autocratic regime!<br /><br />I reject the concept of religion because it fails to separate faith in God from fear of God.<br /><br />It is amazing to see how complicated lives people live. I find it hard just to handle the lite version of life itself.<br /><br />No matter how much you say you are right and I ain't, I know this is the way up and you are standing on your head.<br /><br />Not all adhesives can hold up against the vagaries of nature and the vagaries of destiny alike.<br /><br />The mathematics of life doesn't care about the divisor or the quotient, only the remainder<br /><br />The only thing standing between me and a billion dollars is an idea!<br /><br />Your manager is like a hot air balloon. Stoke him well, he'll take you to dizzying heights as an underling. But don't forget, you are ballast, the first to be cut when he starts sinking.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-62184082969747237472009-03-25T17:49:00.001-07:002009-03-25T18:15:32.812-07:00Are you a non-vegetarian?It is fun to see the diversity of cultures when it comes to food. While most of my friends would give me black looks for ordering Chicken Tikka back in India, here that’s considered almost vegetable. And then again, I’ve seen so many give up their ‘errant’ ways and return to being a ‘pure’ vegetarian. So when I am asked, “What are you?” It is always hard to give a straight answer. So for the convenience of my friends spread over the spectrum of gastric tendencies, here’s a handy handle on what’s not vegetarian. <br /> I define consumption anything of animal origin as a definite sign of non-vegetarianism. Going by this postulate, no person in this world is a vegetarian. Not anyone who has, Hindi film-istyle, “aapni maa ka doodh piya hai toh”, claim himself (ok you feminists) or herself to be a vegetarian. Milk is NOT a vegetable. Given that each one of us has in past or the present, guzzled copious amounts of milk, cannot consider one to be a ‘vegetarian’. Also, going by the research I read years ago, if you ever have had chocolate, you have ingested a minimum of 3-4 insect legs. Egregious? Not so far. So having accepted that all are not vegetarians, it’s time to segregate the boys from the men. So here goes.<br />Class-1 Non-vegetarians : All you whiny lot talking about how vegetables can’t feel (being fried in 400 deg C oil) and don’t bleed (ketchup isn’t red enough for you?). If all you ever lived on was honey (which is again stealing someone’s food) you might excuse yourself from ever having killed or maimed for your own sustenance. Else quietly accept the class-1 designation.<br />Class-2: These are the ones who think eggs are not ‘meat’ and because most of today’s eggs will never turn into a chick, the most ‘humane’ (sic) way of eating food. Good people to take along for breakfast.<br />Class 3: Lots of people here so we break it down, but generally, “as long as it moved and not moving now” lot. Note to the Class 1 people: The tomato is very much alive when it enters your mouth as a part of your salad. And being eaten alive is not fun, I guess.<br />Class 3a: These are people who are ok with the concept of meat but are restricted by religious constraints. That would be the “can’t eat pig”, “can’t eat cow” kind of people. Mildly irritating when all you want to have is steak… medium rare please!<br />Class 3b: These people only limit their edible species spectrum by taste or medical reasons. You might not really enjoy buffalo tongue because it is too chewy or shellfish because it might send you into an anaphylactic shock. They are fun to be with as long as you know how to plunge an epi-pen straight into the heart.<br />Class 3c: These are people who don’t believe in religious constraints or don’t follow restrictive religions and are not averse to stuff by taste or medical reasons. They eat anything not alive at the time it enters their mouth. Fun too especially without the epi-pen.<br />Class 4: The ‘even if it moves lot’: Not an easy group to deal with. But you can make silly faces as they try to gulp down a live octopus that is trying its best to come out of their mouth. The grub eaters also fall into this category. As a kid many of you have been here. Remember the shiny beetle that went into your mouth much to the horror of your momma?<br />Class 5a: The “I eat my own kind” lot. They are a very dangerous lot to be with. Hannibal Lecter is the most famous representative of this kind. You might get invited for lunch and you might be on the menu. So beware! <br />Class 5b: This is an interesting lot and a very interesting discovery. In some cultures, the placenta is eaten! It is also considered to have medicinal/nutritional properties. While it is argued that this is same as class 5a, it gets it own category. Oh! by the way, if you ever had the habit of biting your own nails or bit your own tongue hard enough to taste the blood in your mouth, you might consider yourself up here in Class 5b. <br />That said and done, next time, someone asks, do ensure you talk right about being a ‘vegetarian’ or not. Wear your colors proudly and correctly refer to yourself as a class x non-vegetarian.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-86204562176159431552009-03-14T10:41:00.000-07:002009-03-14T10:46:42.132-07:00The PhotographerAn eye behind the lens, that rarely takes stage on the other side. That’s what I consider myself. More often than not, this is because the lens might not capture me as myself but as someone else. And yet again, when a person happily agrees to allow me to click their picture, I sweat. For photography is not about the fanciest camera and perfect subject. It is the window of the mind. And as it opens onto a world that cares less than little for what goes on around it, it has a job to do. In the commonest chaos of life, it sees a pattern, a momentary arrangement of color and an unconscious glance, which it has to capture, untainted by the mind’s own inadequacies, present it in the simplest manner and yet have it tell a story of a thousand words. A story told in a flitting second that stops a person, walking past the picture, right in their tracks and knocking on the window of their souls with a question. A simple question which keeps them going but with a new emotion, a feeling of longing to see what others so easily missed and yet was worth having observed and captured for posterity. And as this feeling grows from person to person, mind to mind, we start to breach the boundaries of our pervasive dogmas and start to see beauty in everything. To do all this, and in the short attention span of the subject, is hard work. But hold, be still, tilt just a little to the left and say, “Cheese!” because, I’m ready to paint that story.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-59674115990169473542009-02-19T21:20:00.000-08:002010-09-04T14:32:25.551-07:00The new batchThe time people take to warm up to me is exceeded only by the it takes me to warm up to them.<br /><br />I live life on Absolut terms. One part Absolut and three parts water! <br /><br />I am ready to take life as it comes, but it seems life doesn't want to take me as I come. <br /><br />You cannot get to the unimaginable technology of the future without imagining it today! <br /><br />I dont know about your purpose on earth, but I guess mine is just to make up the numbers.<br /> <br />Addiction to substances is best prevented by addiction to the stuff that buys the substances! <br /><br />Plants remove the nasty CO2 from air. Animals eat plants. Non-vegeterians eat animals. Vegeterians eat plants. Pray tell me who are the better environmentalists? <br /><br />Whenever a girl says she's looking for character, I hand her a keyboard and leave her to find it herself. <br /><br />I don't have the answer to every question. Guess God knows I am not Google.<br /><br />The biggest lie taught by our society is that the good always triumphs. More often than not, it ends up with visitation rights to triumph.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-14038323430698494192009-02-08T15:32:00.000-08:002009-02-19T21:20:35.081-08:00Confession of a Mass MurdererShe looked at me with a steely stare. She knew there was nowhere to run. I had her cornered. Had I not been blinded by my staid resolution to kill her, I’d have probably noticed if it was something different. It could have been a gaze filled with a plea for mercy or a gaze of defiance. Either ways she would have found no mercy and her defiance was of little deterrence to me. As she cowered trying to shield her children, I took aim and fired. Unfortunately for her it was not a quick death. As she lay on her back, gasping for air, her children ran for cover. I didn’t expect much resistance from them. Having never been out in the world on their own, they had been taught only to do one thing in case of danger. And that would be to run to their mother. They had never been taught what to do in case their mother was dead, as she was now. I took my time, methodically, bringing down one after another. Unlike their mother, there was not much struggle for life. They went down quickly. After having killed the last one, I realized I had to cover my tracks. So I dragged each one over to the drain hole and dropped them into it. It took some time but I was done. <br />I thought I was done with the act, but I remembered that it was necessary to check for inadvertent witnesses to the crime. I looked around. To my horror, I saw my soon to-be wife standing some distance away. It was obvious from her position, that she had been witness to the whole heinous act. I looked at her with a guilty look as a hundred questions rose into a tumultuous blizzard of emotions. Would she accept me after having witnessed what I had just done? Would she feel safe to bear me children after what she had just seen me mercilessly slaughter the innocent infants? If not, would she turn witness against me? Did I need to silence her too?<br />As I stood mute, overwhelmed by the thoughts, she walked over to me and said, “Thank you honey. You know how much I hate them!” With those words, all my fears were laid to rest. I didn’t have a witness to my act I had an accomplice. And I would never be arraigned for it. As for justice for the family, I don’t think there has been any recorded instance in the history of mankind, that a man has been convicted for killing cockroaches!<br /><br />P.S. : Fictional...Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-68051074081148150532009-01-12T21:36:00.000-08:002009-01-12T21:39:41.157-08:00Betwixt a job and a book...As long as there is land and man to walk upon it, there will be strife to possess it.<br /><br />Awe and genuine surprise are essential for vitality. If nothing amazes you, you are all but dead.<br /><br />Every nation can sling something at its enemy.That 'something' being muck or missiles determines the efficacy of its message and intent.<br /><br />Everyone has a right to be a jerk. Its the ones, who make it their duty, I dislike<br /><br />Her love for me was a benign growth easily plucked out. Too bad mine for her metastasized.<br /><br />I code, therefore I am... programmer!<br /><br />I've learnt nothing from life because I never learned how to learn from life.<br /><br />Life so far: All gall no glory<br /><br />Stressed spelled backward is desserts. When combined, they annihilate each other in a burst of<br />pure happiness!<br /><br />The greatest human weakness is that we can be convinced too easily to kill or be killed for the flimsiest cause.<br /><br />The only complaint against the computer age is that it removes the simple age old distinction of black and white, the bad and good, turning it into a 24-bit grayscale with 8 bits of transparency.<br /><br />What's wrong with the world? Its spinning... How do you expect humans to think straight with all that spinning...<br /><br />You are like a single malt whiskey, classy, smooth and unique. I guess God just wants to play the master blender with us here :-)<br /><br />Your love is like a breeze of fresh air. Too bad, my gills can't stand it.Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33351526.post-92043969226543727582008-11-06T18:42:00.000-08:002008-11-06T18:50:06.823-08:00Being Icy CoolThere comes many a time in your life when you try to burst forth from the drabness of reality into a world of literary fantasy...<br />I did too... and the result was a book... an effort 2 years in writing... and another 2 years in publishing...<br />So without much ado... here's "Being Icy Cool" my maiden novel...<br />It's a worded picture of a collegian's life, his fears and aspirations, victories and failures, not held together by the glue of slapstick humor but possibly poignant contemplation of the smallest emotion in comparison to the vastness of everything around it...<br />Read more about it at: <a href="http://abek42.blogspot.com/">http://abek42.blogspot.com/</a>Abhijit Karnikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12444333973983071617noreply@blogger.com0